About Sponsorship – BACKUP

Getting a Sponsor is not like getting married; there is no long-term commitment. One can ask a person to be a temporary Sponsor, and see how the relationship develops. It is important to get beyond our fears of asking other people for help. It is indeed an honor for a person to be asked to be a Sponsor. We are not burdening others with our problems and fears of doing so should not be used as an excuse to avoid making a commitment.

The gender of a sponsor you select to guide you through the 12 Steps is at your discretion. We suggest avoiding sponsorship relationships that may lead to problematic attachments, including romantic and/or sexual relationships, which could detract from the primary purpose of recovery.

Then do so. If you feel a different person can better enhance your recovery, then it is good form to gently let your current Sponsor know that you want to utilize the particular experience of another person and that you will be changing Sponsors. This is frequently done in 12-Step programs and many “long-timers” have had several different Sponsors.

This is up to you and your Sponsor. Many Sponsors ask newcomers to call them daily for the first month or two. If your Sponsor is away or can’t be reached, it is wise to call other members of the program. It is a good idea to call several people regularly in any case.

No. If clarification is needed or disagreements emerge, then they should be discussed openly between the parties involved. Your recovery is your responsibility. You would be wise to heed your Sponsor or get another Sponsor with whom you can work. There is no rank in the program and the relationship between you and your Sponsor is one of trust and shared experiences.

There is no one perfect way to ask someone to be your sponsor. You might consider asking questions to help you determine if the person would be the right sponsor for you.

• Have you worked the 12 Steps, or what step are you up to?
• Do you have a sponsor?
• Are you sponsoring anyone else?
• What is your sponsorship style?

 When you find someone who you think would be a good fit, we suggest you step out of your comfort zone and ask if they would be willing to be your sponsor. Read more About Sponsorship.

No. There are no such obligations in 12-Step programs. If you are not comfortable in sponsoring someone, it is important to politely decline and to encourage them to ask others. However, most members do sponsor if they are able to, because of the many benefits Sponsorship provides.

There is no “proper” approach. Each Sponsor is free to work the way their experience dictates. Some Sponsors are direct and others are more casual. Some outline the program as they see it, while others allow the newcomer to find their own way, guiding only when asked. Many use their experience with their own Sponsors as a starting point on which to build. Each Sponsor will be different and some approaches will fail. A Sponsor is not responsible for anyone’s sobriety but their own.

The communication and mutual sharing that occurs helps both the Sponsor and the sponsee. The Sponsor’s own understanding of the program will be deepened. It is not unusual for the Sponsor to be focused back to the basic principles of the program and to working the Steps and communicating with their own Sponsor.

Only you can answer this question. Different people have different amounts of time and energy to apply to the program. However, caution needs to be exercised to avoid becoming overcommitted. Because Sponsorship is a special relationship between two recovering people, there is a limit to the number of people with which this type of relationship can be maintained. Excessive Sponsorship can sometimes lead to grandiosity, restrict your ability to work your own program, and threaten your serenity.

Not much. Offer your willingness to help when it is desired. It is futile to force unwanted advice and help onto another. Sometimes a Sponsor experiences the anger of the sponsee. If they stay close to the program and their own Sponsor, they can usually deal with this anger without damage to themselves or the relationship.

Simply by taking the responsibility of stating that you no longer can Sponsor that person. It is important to say why and to offer to be in contact if possible. If it is an issue affecting the Sponsor’s program and serenity, they should seek the counsel of other program members and of their own Sponsor before dealing with the newcomer. Many times a Sponsor releases a sponsee to allow that person to move on in recovery with a different Sponsor who is more attuned to what is going on in the sponsee’s life.

Some suggested Do’s of Sponsorship:

• Present an example of how the program is working in your life.
• Encourage meeting attendance.
• Introduce the newcomer to others in the program.
• Help the newcomer to understand 12-Step literature.
• Urge the newcomer to take an active role in their own recovery.
• Share your experience, strength, and hope.

Some suggested Don’ts of Sponsorship:

• Avoid being judgmental.
• Avoid imposing your personal views.
• Refrain from taking another’s inventory.
• Don’t make decisions for the newcomer.
• Don’t pretend to know all the answers.

Above all, remember that the key to the program is fellowship. You are being given a treasured opportunity to participate in your own recovery, and in that of another at the same time. Give away freely those things that were given freely to you.