For the Loved Ones of Marijuana Addicts

Is Marijuana Addictive?

“Many people say that marijuana is not addicting, but this is simply not accurate. People do become addicted to marijuana, just as they do to alcohol, opioids and stimulants. Marijuana addiction differs from these other types of addictions primarily by the outward or social manifestations, but internally, the same pain and anguish exist. The other drugs tend to cause more obvious problems when addiction takes hold. Studies show that about 9% of those who use marijuana become addicted to it. The unfortunate truth is that the lack of serious, early consequences to marijuana addiction allow for a long, slow decline, often without recognition, resulting in later-stage addiction before the problem is confronted.”

– “A Doctor’s Opinion about Marijuana Addiction” (Available at MA12.org/Doctors-Opinion)

What Friends and Family Should Know About Marijuana Addiction

Addiction is a progressive, long-term continuous problem. It is a physical, mental, and spiritual disease. When a marijuana addict tries to stop using and fails because life without the substance is just too hard, that is addiction. They are unable to stop once they have started.

Marijuana addicts become convinced they cannot live without marijuana. They develop an overpowering desire to use, even when they are destroying their own lives and the lives of those they love. Cannabis addicts may break promises made to themselves and others to stop using.

The addict may have difficulty accepting they are ill. Many marijuana addicts, in particular, tend to believe that there are “worse” mind-altering substances, and there are others whose lives are much worse off as a result of their using.

This is denial and what we in Marijuana Anonymous (MA) call the “fantasy of functionality.” To maintain this fantasy, addicts often try to manipulate loved ones with guilt, fear, and anger. This is a very common tactic (both conscious and unconscious) by the addict to get what they want (and stay in denial) by taking advantage of the emotions of those closest to them. Ultimately, hope for recovery lies in the individual addict’s ability to recognize that they have a problem and need help. The point at which one recognizes the need for help is commonly referred to as a “bottom” or a “moment of clarity.”

As the addict approaches their bottom and their disease worsens, family and friends may begin to enable the addict. Understandably, loved ones try to ease the suffering of the addict because of loyalty, love, caring, and a sense of responsibility. They will give money for food, gas, rent, or bills that will inevitably be used to buy more cannabis. Freely providing things such as housing, transportation, medical care, and even bail are not likely to save or change the addict. Well-meaning actions like those will often enable the addict to continue postponing the ultimate repercussions of their addiction.

We addicts in recovery have discovered we are each responsible for ourselves and our actions. If a loved one helps avert a crisis, they take away our opportunity to work it out or fail on our own. This in turn makes it more difficult to reach a bottom and begin seeking a solution.

“When an addict gives up their drug of choice, a void may be created. To fill this void, we may start to use, or increase the use of, other mind-altering substances, such as alcohol, pills, or other drugs. Other recovering marijuana addicts may engage in behavioral (process) addictions related to things such as food, sex and love, work, exercise, gambling, shopping, video gaming, the internet, and technology.” – Excerpt from “Dangers of Cross-Addiction” available at MA12.org/Cross-Addiction.

We are marijuana addicts and this is our message: Any addict can stop using, lose the obsession and desire for marijuana, and discover an infinitely better way of life by following the spiritual principles contained in the Twelve Steps, one day at a time.

What is Marijuana Anonymous?

Founded in 1989, Marijuana Anonymous is a 12-Step program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. We are a group of people who have problems that relate to marijuana / cannabis and who share our experience, strength, and hope with each other that we may solve our common problem and help each other to recover from marijuana addiction, also referred to as “Cannabis Use Disorder.” In MA, the terms marijuana and cannabis are often used interchangeably.

Our primary purpose is to stay free of marijuana and to help the addict who still suffers achieve the same freedom. In MA, we find recovery by attending meetings, practicing the suggested Twelve Steps of recovery, and by being guided by the Twelve Traditions which are the foundation of our program. According to these Traditions, the only requirement for membership in MA is a desire to stop using marijuana. There are no dues or fees for membership. MA is fully self-supporting through members’ contributions. MA is not affiliated with any religious or secular institution or organization, and welcomes members of all backgrounds and beliefs. Learn more at MA12.org/Traditions.

How Can Marijuana Anonymous Help The Cannabis Addict?

In MA, the addict discovers that their problem with marijuana is not unique and finds support from others who suffer from the same issues. In MA meetings, we connect with other addicts by sharing our experience, strength and hope (although sharing is never required) which shows us we are not alone, and helps us to pull free from the isolation of addiction. The addict comes to understand that recovery from cannabis addiction is possible.

Marijuana Anonymous provides an opportunity to recover using the Twelve Steps, which are a series of suggestions that members go through, ideally with a sponsor. A sponsor is a recovering member of MA who is committed to abstinence from marijuana, and willing to share their recovery with other members, guiding them along the path of recovery. Learn more in our pamphlet “About Sponsorship” at MA12.org/About-Sponsorship

That is why Marijuana Anonymous exists: because together we can do what we could not do alone, and find recovery from marijuana addiction.

Support for You

It is important to remember that addiction is a disease which greatly affects the addict and those who love the addict. Cannabis addiction in your children, spouse, parent and other loved ones is difficult for you to live with in healthy ways. You need support too! Some options are Twelve Step and support groups for friends and family, and therapy. These resources can teach you how to live your life more fully, regardless of what your loved ones are doing. You may have the opportunity to discuss the unique problem of living with a loved one‘s marijuana addiction.

MA has a team of volunteer members ready to answer any questions you may have. We strive to respond in less than 48 hours of receiving all requests for support. We can be reached by text/call at +1-800-766-6779 or email [email protected].

You are welcome to attend any of the Marijuana Anonymous meetings that are designated as an “open” meeting. Additionally, there is a 12-Step program specifically for loved ones of marijuana addicts, Mar-Anon Family Groups. Their website provides information, support, and meetings for loved ones, visit Mar-Anon.com.

According to our Sixth Tradition, Marijuana Anonymous is not affiliated with nor endorses any outside organizations and has no opinion on them whatsoever. The resources presented here are for the purpose of awareness only.

Once the Addict Begins Recovery, We Suggest You TRY:

Focusing on yourself and your own life. The recovering addict will be doing the same.
Detaching yourself lovingly from the addict’s behavior. Detachment is not unkind. Detachment with love facilitates looking at situations realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible.
Understanding the nature of addiction as a disease.
Being patient. There may be a significant amount of time while both you and the addict adjust to a new way of life. Try to nurture harmony and balance in this new lifestyle.

Once the Addict Begins Recovery, We Suggest You AVOID:

Checking up to see if the addict has been using or in possession of drugs or alcohol.
Allowing the addict to take advantage of you. (This one can be tough!)
Scolding, nagging, or blaming the addict about former use or newfound sobriety.
Making threats, especially if you aren’t prepared to carry them out.
Taking the addict’s choices or behavior personally.
Trying to appease or patronize the addict.
Manipulating or controlling the addict.
Getting stuck in a resentful or bitter mindset.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Once the addict stops using and begins the recovery process, don’t expect that their faults and all the troubles of your shared lives will disappear. Initially, you might find exactly the opposite. Drug use was a coping mechanism for the addict. That coping mechanism will be “raw” for a while, especially when detoxing. Don’t expect that a dramatic positive personality change will immediately take place.

When a cannabis addict begins going to meetings, there may be interference and disruption with your normal living schedule, routines, and family obligations. This is where your compassion, patience, and encouragement will be called upon. The time spent in the past by the addict in the pursuit of getting and staying high may now be spent recovering, including going to meetings, reading recovery literature, speaking on the phone with other MA members, writing, meditating, and praying. These activities are of paramount importance to the recovering addict and your support will be of great value.

You may be surprised to find that the addict now insists on attending to certain activities and responsibilities you felt compelled to take care of in the past. This is not a time to condemn past behavior, but an opportunity to practice trust and compassion. The outcome will be the mutual reward of nurturing a new and healthy relationship.

As individuals, we can only be responsible for, and focus on ourselves. This applies to both the addict and the individual who loves the addict. Take each day one at a time. Be unafraid and happy. Try to adjust yourself to be in the present. Strengthen your own mind, body, and spirit.

Words of Support From Loved Ones

“Dealing with someone else’s substance use can be a painful struggle but it also creates opportunity. While we have found that we cannot change others, we can transform ourselves and create more serenity, clarity, and happiness in our lives.” – Mar-Anon.com
“Thanks to meetings, as that is where I started to regain my sanity and serenity. There, I first learned that “No” is a complete sentence and then I learned how to say “No” politely, yet firmly to my loved one.” – Mar-Anon Friend
“I found lots of support in Mar-Anon meetings. People in the meetings understood me and did not say, “It’s just Weed.” – Mar-Anon Friend

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