Being a Sponsor
The communication and mutual sharing that occurs helps both the Sponsor and the sponsee. The Sponsor’s own understanding of the program will be deepened. It is not unusual for the Sponsor to be focused back to the basic principles of the program and to working the Steps and communicating with their own Sponsor.
Who can be a Sponsor?
Any member of the MA program or another 12-Step program who is recovering from a substance dependency can be a Sponsor. If we agree to be someone’s Sponsor it doesn’t mean we take responsibility for that person or for their sobriety and recovery. It is a two-way relationship based upon mutual respect and the principles of the program.
When should I consider myself ready to sponsor?
When you feel prepared to guide others through the Steps and you are willing to spend time and effort with a person, you are most likely ready. It is suggested that you be further along in the Steps than a potential sponsee. Check with your sponsor before you make a commitment to someone.
How do I become a Sponsor?
Make it known that you’re willing to sponsor, or talk about sponsorship. Many meetings will have some sort of sponsorship announcement. In virtual meetings, when someone is ready to sponsor, they will often place an asterisk in front of their name, such as *Name. Create the opportunity for someone to ask by making yourself available after meetings to talk with newcomers, especially when they announce they are looking for a sponsor.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the proper approach to Sponsorship?
There is no “proper” approach. Each Sponsor is free to work the way their experience dictates. Some Sponsors are direct and others are more casual. Some outline the program as they see it, while others allow the newcomer to find their own way, guiding only when asked. Many use their experience with their own Sponsors as a starting point on which to build. Each Sponsor will be different and some approaches will fail. A Sponsor is not responsible for anyone’s sobriety but their own.
Must I sponsor someone if asked?
There is no obligation to commit yourself to sponsorship. Because of the many benefits sponsorship provides, you may want to consider being their temporary sponsor. In time, you will know if the relationship is working and should become more permanent. If you are not comfortable sponsoring them, politely decline and encourage them to ask others.
How many people can a sponsor work with?
Only you can decide how many sponsees is best for you. Different people have different amounts of time and energy to apply to the program. Caution needs to be exercised to avoid becoming over-committed as this may lead to service burnout and could cause resentments. Because sponsorship is a special relationship between two recovering people, there is often a limit to the number of people with which this type of relationship can be simultaneously maintained.
How can I stop sponsoring someone?
Once you have determined that ending the sponsor/sponsee relationship is the best course of action, simply have a conversation and explain why you no longer can sponsor that person. Sponsorship is meant to enhance your recovery. If continuing to work with the sponsee compromises your sobriety, serenity, and/or program, seek the counsel of your sponsor and/or other members before having a conversation with the sponsee.
What do I do if a person I sponsor doesn’t want help?
It is futile to force unwanted advice and help onto another. Don’t take it personally should they not apply your suggestions. Consider evaluating if this person is a good fit for you to continue sponsoring.
Some Suggested Sponsorship “Don’ts”
- Avoid being judgmental, instead place principles before personalities.
- Avoid imposing your personal views, instead remain open-minded.
- Refrain from taking another’s inventory, instead allow them to arrive at their own conclusions.
- Don’t make decisions for the newcomer, instead make suggestions.
- Don’t pretend to know all the answers, instead remain humble, remembering we are all addicts in recovery doing the best with what we have.
Some Suggested Sponsorship “Do’s”
- Present an example of how the program is working in your life by practicing the principles in all your affairs.
- Encourage sponsees to attend meetings and be of service.
- Introduce sponsees to others in the program to build a support network.
- Patiently guide sponsees through the Twelve Step literature.
- Treat each sponsee as an individual; we are each unique examples of the program.
Above all, remember that the pillars of the program are recovery, unity, and service. Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the addict who still suffers. We are being given a treasured opportunity to participate in our own recovery and in that of another.